A Breakthrough

  The training I'm in takes place at The Marriott Newport Coast Villa's, a timeshare resort in Newport Beach.  We train in actual classes with the Togi (Tiger+Yogi= Togi, my nickname for him), and the lead instructor there, Stephanie (who I love).  So beyond learning the practice of White Tiger Yoga, we are also learning how to instruct in live classes.  We learn by using a script that the Togi has created for all of his instructors.  This ensures consistency throughout the resorts, and also keeps instructors from teaching classes improperly.  It is a good system, but it is quite difficult because he is a stickler for adhering to the script.

 Yesterday was "my day" to teach the first half of one of our classes, a class that I have not taught before, and a challenge I thought I was ready for.  I was scheduled to teach the first half of this class, and our water fitness class afterwords. I practiced all night Monday, woke up early on Tuesday to practice, and felt ready to teach these two classes.  Oh how my confidence deceived me!

 The class had about 20 or so people in it, and as I was demonstrating the series of moves to them, I was on my hands and knees on the mat, and I completely BLANKED.  I was frozen....on my hands and knees...and had no idea what came next! When I finally lifted my head, I looked out to a sea of faces waiting patiently for me to finish the instruction, which I had forgotten, and I was like a deer in the headlights, haha! It was quite embarrassing! Needless to say, I didn't want to teach the next class.  When I told this to Togi, he smiled slightly, and said "you are teaching the next class Magen, go get your swim suit on.  What you are feeling in this moment is simply this: it is energy.  Don't let the energy implode on you, use it to expand you.  Go put your swim suit on and use this energy to teach a great class"

  I listened, despite my fear, and I broke through...and taught the best class I've taught so far.  So what seemed like a breakdown, led me to a breakthrough.... I just had to muster up the courage to channel the energy properly. It is easy for me to become overwhelmed by these "big" moments in my little life these days.  But I am trying to use them.  Just as Togi said, it's only energy, I'm just learning how to channel it properly.

Expansion is my goal, uncomfortable moments are the medium, and courage is the vehicle. Putting it to practice will be my test. M

A Tiger Cub is Born

First and foremost, thank you (yes, YOU!) simply for being you.  Each and every one of you are special to me in some way, and I appreciate your continued love and support over the past few years, and especially over the past few months.

  After an amazing cross country drive from Atlanta to California, I have finally moved out of the Civic and into a real home...well, a shoebox home, but MY shoebox home, and I couldn't be happier in my new abode.  I have settled down in Laguna Beach, a town of about 20,000 people and very "localized".  My place sits on the PCH overlooking a small private cove called Victoria Beach.  For those of you who don't know, I am now in California training to be a White Tiger Yoga Instructor. I know, some of you are laughing right now- but you have to admit, it's fitting...i am still just as random as ever! haha

 I have narrowed my possessions down to the bare minimum (plus a little extra), and that has been very freeing. I am trying to embrace each moment- connect with whatever it is I'm feeling, and allow myself to just...be....ME.  This is much harder than you might think! It's amazing how many distractions there are in this great big world!  I work on this constantly.

 White Tiger Yoga is undoubtedly the perfect discipline for me in this moment.  It is rooted in Tai Chi principles, so the practice focuses on ridding yourself of toxins, cleaning your energy, and letting go of pent up emotions.  WOW, I have a lot of them apparently!  I have been practicing for almost two weeks now, and beyond a noticeable difference in my body, it has made a major impact on my emotional state.  I have never cried so hard in my life over the past week- and it's a wonderful release of emotion.  Don't worry!  Don't feel sad about this...these tears are long overdue!!

  So overall, I am working through this as constructively as possible.  I cannot drink during this process (I learned my lesson last Friday), so I am pretty much sober...well....close enough ;), and just trying to face each day with a smile on my face, a willingness to learn, and an introspection that is changing me in ways that I have yet to discover.  I certainly do not feel like the same person I was three months ago, even three weeks ago, and I'm not sure what that means yet.  I'm embracing the process one moment at a time, and I am really appreciating the results. 

 So here I am, in Laguna Beach, California, transforming every day and happy to be here.

  With all the love in my heart (and you know I mean that), M

My Desired Life: Simplified.

Free of dependencies

Rich with adventure

Rid of negativity

Bound by integrity

Revealed by honesty

Protected by wit

Overcome with laughter

          and

Filled
            with
                       Love